Turbo Pudding
In Kettlecrest, the river folk get a say twice in every race. Before the start, one of them leaves a River Note, a small task for the leg ahead. After the bell, your hero gets a line on the Postcard. It’s Monday, so here is the cast, mostly in their own words.
The picture at the top is Meltwater Mile, the very first leg in Glacier Gate. Ottilie the otter paddles her copper kettle between the ice walls, with a Frog Bucket riding behind her. Her River Note sets the tone: “Three surges before breakfast. That’s how my gran did it.”
Two pebbles on every landing
On the River Map, every leg is a landing stage with two pebbles. One is for being first at the bell. The other is for the River Note: ride a few surges, make a Clean drop, take a basket from a snag, hop over something a rival throws. The leg card shows who wrote the note, with their face and a line in their own voice. The 48 pebbles open new pennants for your boat’s flag, from Kingfisher at three to Sea Bell at all 48.
After the race comes the Postcard, with every boat as a stamp in finishing order. Then your hero says something, and the line depends on the result: first, second or third, or further back. Each hero has two lines for each.
Ottilie, Fennel and Juno
Ottilie was born on this river, and she writes notes like a coach. In Lockkeeper’s Basin, she wants four surges round the basin, because “The mills need the waves!” Losing doesn’t slow her down: “The river won this one. Again!”
Fennel the capybara writes notes about looking after yourself. On Blue Arches, the gulls drop knitted hearts: “Two will keep you warm.” And when he finishes at the back: “No rush. The river will still be here tomorrow.”
Juno, the kingfisher chick, writes the boldest notes on the river. On Kettle Lake: “Five surges round the lake. I did six. Probably.” Her back-of-the-pack line is pure Juno: “That didn’t count. Nobody was looking, right?”
Sorrel measures everything
Sorrel, the newt map-maker, writes notes with numbers in them. On Laundry Lanes in Millrace Town: “The narrow lane saves three seconds. I used a stopwatch.” On Saltgrass Bends, in Bell Mouth, the sea pushes a wave up the river: “The bore comes uphill. Wait behind a rock. Science!”
Sorrel’s Postcard lines sound like a lab report. A win: “Twelve bends, three surges, one bell. Perfect.” And a bad day: “The numbers were right. The river disagreed.”
Nib bounces back
Nib, the crayfish who never learned to swim, writes notes the way he races. On Needlewood Run: “Gull bundles! One had a boot in it. I wore it.” On Firefly Braids, in Tangle Delta, he passes on a trick: “Something flying at you? Hop! I learned it from the frogs.”
Nib’s straw hat is the lightest boat on the river and bounces off everything: “I bounced off a rock, a log and a hippo. Not bad!” A bad day is simple: “My hat is full of water again.”
Brogan and Burl
Brogan the hippo blacksmith doesn’t waste words. His note on Lantern Cut asks you to pick up two knitted hearts: “Two hearts. Knitted ones. Hmph. They’re warm.” Win, and he’s already back at work: “First. Now open the dams and dry my forge.”
Burl the beaver knows the river plank by plank. His note on Wheelwright Row sends you after a basket caught in a snag: “There’s a basket in the branches. Snags are good for beavers.” A good day sounds like this: “Good ride. I know every plank on this river.”
Verbena and Hollis
Verbena the heron actress treats every race like opening night. Her note on Lime Ladder, in Chalkstep Terraces: “Not a single heart lost, darling. Keep your costume dry.” Win, and she says, “What a show! And I only fainted once.”
Hollis, the stork of the night mail, writes notes about getting there in one piece. On Upper Ledge, a little further down the terraces: “Four hearts at the bell. Old birds know: go easy.” His Postcard lines are the sleepiest on the river, from “First? Oh. I thought I was dreaming.” to “I dozed off at the falls. Lovely dream, though.”
Dame Dambury writes the rules
On the Dam Runs, the River Notes come from Dame Dambury herself, and they read like house rules. “Not one bump, please. Bumps are noisy.” “If you must splash, splash neatly. One Clean drop, please.”
She gets the last word, too. Finish fourth or lower on a Dam Run, and the dam stays shut, and the Postcard line is hers: “Lovely and still. Just how I like it.”
The first two reaches, Glacier Gate and Pinewood Rapids, are free to play in your browser at kettlecrest.com. The full game, all six reaches to the sea, is $4.99, paid once. More about the game is on the Kettlecrest page.
