Turbo Pudding

LassoodleFriday pudding

What the bosses say when you lasso them

· The Turbo Pudding team · 4 min read

The Moth Empress, a fluffy lilac moth with big dark eyes, feathery antennae, a little gold tiara and wide lilac wings with round blue spots, tumbling in the air next to a glowing lamp post with three yellow dizzy stars spinning around her head, in a dark night grove with low blocky trees, glowing mushrooms along the wall and drifting fireflies; below her lie a red apple and a bunch of blueberries, and Milo, the green snake with yellow spots, curls through the front of the picture with his head at the bottom edge

Every world in Lassoodle ends with a boss, and not one of them can keep quiet about it. Each boss has a handful of short lines: a hello when the fight starts, a few taunts, a complaint whenever your lasso lands and a little speech when the fight gets harder. This Friday, we’re handing the microphone to all six.

How the bosses talk

When a boss level starts, a name card slides in, Mole King, Lord of the Burrows, for example, and a moment later the boss says hello. After that, the lines take turns instead of being picked at random. A boss only gets a line every other time it taunts you, so the screen never turns into a group chat. A hit gets a line as long as the boss has hits left. And when a fight moves on to its next phase, the game announces the checkpoint first and gives the boss a second to grumble about it.

Your lasso has a few words of its own. Throw a loop at the wrong moment and the game floats a short note over the boss: “Not now!” or “Wait for it!” Make the loop too small and it says “Bigger loop!”

The Mole King

The boss of the Sunny Orchard takes his lawn very seriously: “Who dares to wiggle on my royal lawn?” Then he pops out of his holes to tease you: “Peekaboo! Over here!” “Too slow, noodle!” “Nyah! Missed me!” Land a hit and he worries about the thing every king worries about: “My crown! Mind the crown!” Or, sometimes, “Ow, my whiskers!” Later in the fight he gets competitive: “Fine! Now guess which hole!”

The Walrus Warden

The Keeper of the Ice Gate opens with a rule: “Halt! Nobody slides past the Warden!” A few seconds later, he’s sliding. His big move is a belly slide down a lane he aims at you, announced with a cheerful “Belly slide, coming through!” He wears a navy cap and a gold whistle, and he gets very official about his attacks: “Double slide! By the book!” When your lasso finally catches him, his pride takes the hit first, “Oof! My dignity!”, and then he looks for someone to blame: “The ice was slippery! Not my fault!”

The Walrus Warden, a big round tan walrus in a navy cap with a gold band, belly-sliding straight toward the camera across a snowy arena along a wide red lane, his long white tusks and puffy whisker pads in front, a little gold whistle at his mouth and his flippers tucked at his sides, with bunches of blueberries on the snow around him, a low wall of snow blocks behind, snowy pine trees and a bright teal northern lights sky
Searched “is belly sliding allowed at the ice gate.” Ask the Warden.

The Sphinx Cat

The Guardian of the Dunes lies in the sand like a sphinx, with a curve of plates marked with symbols in front of her, and she opens with a threat that’s mostly a nap: “Answer my riddle, little noodle, or be napped upon.” She loves keeping you unsure: “Wrong! Just kidding. Or am I?” When the riddles pile up, even she loses track: “Three symbols! Even I forget them!” And a hit gets a very cat reaction: “Hiss! My precious gem!”

The Moth Empress

The Queen of the Night Bloom rules the darkest corner of the Glowshroom Jungle, with a few lamps around it, and her first line is a promise: “Shh. In my night, every light goes out.” She also has a soft spot, and she can’t stop mentioning it mid-fight: “Ooh... shiny lamp...” That’s her at the top of this post, wobbling over a lamp with three dizzy stars around her head. Her hit lines are pure moth, like “My wings! So dusty!”, and when she gets serious, she calls on her dust: “Dust, my darlings! Dust!”

The Magma Golem

The Heart of the Forge speaks entirely in capital letters, which suits a walking hill of dark basalt with a molten heart: “HOT. HOT. HOT. Stand still, little snack.” His taunts are short and happy: “STOMP!” and “SO WARM. SO GOOD.” Steam vents dot his arena, and when one blows on him, he cools down into an ashen gray crust. Hits in that state make him very dramatic: “BRRR! COLD!” and “MY CORE! IT IS CHILLY!” And when the fight moves to its next phase, he drops all subtlety: “I AM A VOLCANO!”

The Magma Golem in the Ember Forge arena, cooled down into a pale ashen gray crust with a dull orange glow left in his chest, standing in a column of white steam over a round iron vent, a dashed golden ring on the cracked brown floor around him; Milo, the green snake with yellow spots and big orange eyes, has slithered right up to him with his long body curving off to the right, and behind them rise dark peaks, smoking chimneys and glowing embers in a dusky red sky
Typed “how to cool down a volcano.” Step one: steam.

Count Crowbeak

The Lord of the Golden Tower waits in the Candy Cloud Kingdom, and modesty isn’t his thing: “Ah, the wiggly hero! Every fruit in the world is MINE!” He brings help, little crowlings that grab fruit and fly off with it, and he cheers them on: “Crowlings! Fetch that fruit!” He’s also very proud of his diving: “Behold my magnificent dive!” A hit wounds his vanity more than anything else, “My feathers! My perfect feathers!”, and he takes the whole thing personally: “How dare you lasso a Count!”

Count Crowbeak, a glossy black crow with a small gold crown, a purple cape and a long golden-orange beak, tipped forward mid-dive with his beak pointed at the pink candy floor and his fanned tail feathers sticking up, a dashed golden ring on the floor beside him; Milo, the green snake with yellow spots, watches him with wide orange eyes from the right, his long body curving across the front, while two little crowlings carry off an apple and blueberries near the wall in the back, under striped candy-cane pillars, a floating island and a lavender sky
People also ask: is it rude to lasso a Count?

Come hear them yourself

World 1, the Sunny Orchard, Mole King included, is free to play in your browser at lassoodle.com. The full game, all six worlds and all six bosses, is $4.99, paid once. More on the Lassoodle page.

More about Lassoodle

LassoodleFrom the sketchbook

Lassoodle sketchbook: how Milo got his face

The first snake had big eyes and no expression. Here is how Milo got a new head, five moods and a new name, and why Frosty Mint’s scarf became a collar.